That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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