Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
