Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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