Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
