You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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