i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
