Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
