Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
