Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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