I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
