your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
