I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
