I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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