Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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