you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
They have beer where we have blood.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
