Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
