i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
