somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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