the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
