Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
