I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
