you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Randomize
