I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
