my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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