Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think i peed on brittanys purse
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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