her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
