Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
