we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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