Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
