So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
