Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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