Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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