ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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