I wanna bring you to show and tell
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
