Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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