Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
