omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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