I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
