He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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