I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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