Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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