i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
