I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
