My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
