I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
