I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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