I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
false alarm, still single
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