so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I didn't notice because vodka
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize