My sheets look like a crime scene.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
