Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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