I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
