I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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