So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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