Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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