i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
There's a naked man in my car right now.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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