sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
