Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
