Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
