i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
