I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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