i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
In America we eat man semen.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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