Pappa wants mamma naked
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
