I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
