Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
People in love make me want to vomit
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
