Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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