I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
