nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
