i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
